If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
