So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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