New invention idea: vibrating tampons
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
