im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
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