i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
