actually, I'm a sock model
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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