yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
you win again, gameday.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
