Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
