I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
