4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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