i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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