And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
