If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
You were trust falling into bushes
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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