He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
