i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
