Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
