I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize