New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
