my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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