he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
