I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
