Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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