The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
