I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
