im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Randomize
