Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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