just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
