false alarm. still invincible.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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