i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
