I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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