He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize