I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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