god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
