some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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