ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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