If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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