just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
