The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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