i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
my nose is crying tears of wow.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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