Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
