Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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