Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Randomize
