Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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