He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize