So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
