Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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