If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
