Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
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