I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
