i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
