her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Michael Bay diarrhea
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
