Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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