His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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