wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize