there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
