Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
