What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Randomize
