Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
