"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
My vagina just clenched in fear
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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