I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
