wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize