So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
