just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Hello my rib-scented angel!
You were trust falling into bushes
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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