Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
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