sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
