My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
