i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
