one word: firstdatebathroomanal
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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