She's JV to your varsity
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
