KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
