the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Randomize
