3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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