i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
