so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
