well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
