I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
