I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
