They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
