I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
True strength comes from lack of pants
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
