I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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