Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
