you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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