please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize