I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
did i walk over a car last night?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
