Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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