What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
