I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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