Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
