I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
