Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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