my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
