sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
