Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize