my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
