Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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