Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
