Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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