Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
