I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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